What is a Helicopter Parent?

When it comes to supporting your child during college, one term you might have heard a lot is helicopter parent. But what is a helicopter parent, exactly? It refers to a parent who is overly involved in their child’s life—”hovering” over them and taking excessive control of decisions and actions that the child needs to make on their own in order to grow. It’s a term that brings up some strong feelings, and for good reason: no one wants to be called a helicopter parent when they are just trying to care for their kid. However, it can seriously affect a student’s ability to grow into an independent adult.

So, what is a helicopter parent doing wrong, and how can you avoid slipping into that role? In this blog, we’ll explain what a helicopter parent is and how to provide the right level of support for your college student without stunting their independence.

Defining the Helicopter Parent

What is a helicopter parent? In simple terms, it’s a parent who over-manages their child’s life, often out of fear or anxiety. Instead of letting their child make decisions, experience consequences, and learn from mistakes, helicopter parents try to shield their kids from any possible struggle or failure. This can and does show up in many ways: constantly calling professors or administrators on behalf of their student, micromanaging every aspect of their academic life, or frequently stepping in to solve social or personal issues that the student should handle themselves.

While the intentions are usually good, helicopter parenting can prevent your child from developing essential skills like problem-solving, time management, and decision-making abilities that are critical for success not only in college but also in life.

Why It’s Important to Avoid Being a Helicopter Parent

Now that we’ve answered the question “What is a helicopter parent?”, it’s essential to understand why this level of involvement can be damaging. Above everything else, even including grades, college is a time for growth. Students need the freedom to figure things out for themselves, make mistakes, and learn to navigate challenges. If a parent is often stepping in to “fix” things for them or tell them what to do, they may struggle to gain the confidence and skills necessary for adult life.

Helicopter parenting can also create friction between you and your child. College students often seek more independence, and having a parent constantly hovering can cause them to feel stifled or resentful. In fact, Gallup did a study that showed upwards of 93% of students want to talk with their parents about their challenges, but only 28% want their parents to give advice. So while it’s natural to worry and want to help, it’s crucial to recognize that your child is capable of handling much more than you might think.

Striking a Healthy Balance

So, what is a helicopter parent supposed to do when they still want to be involved but avoid overstepping? It’s all about finding the right balance between support and independence. Here are a few tips:

1. Encourage Problem-Solving: If your child calls you with a problem, resist the urge to jump in with a solution right away. Instead, ask guiding questions that prompt them to think through their options. This helps them develop problem-solving skills while still feeling supported.
2. Respect Their Space: College students are navigating new levels of independence. While it’s great to check in, try to establish boundaries. Set up a schedule for regular calls or texts that work for both of you, and allow them to come to you when they need help.
3. Support, Don’t Hover: You can still be an important part of your child’s college experience without micromanaging. For example, offering emotional support when they’re stressed or helping them brainstorm ways to manage their workload is beneficial. But avoid taking over tasks they should handle themselves, like speaking to professors or resolving roommate issues, and don’t get caught in the trap of telling them how to fix it if they aren’t interested in your solution.

When Intervention Is Necessary

While it’s essential to step back and avoid becoming a helicopter parent, there are times when parental involvement is crucial. If your child is experiencing serious academic difficulties, mental health concerns, or other significant challenges, it may be time to intervene. Encourage them to reach out to campus resources, like counseling services or academic advisors. If needed, you can help them access these resources, but try to ensure that they take the lead.

Final Thoughts

In answering the question, “What is a helicopter parent?”, we’ve explored the ways in which this parenting style can unintentionally hinder a child’s development. The key is to remain a supportive figure while encouraging independence. By doing so, you’ll help your child grow into a confident, capable adult who is ready to take on the challenges of college and beyond.

The transition to college is a major milestone for both you and your child, and while it’s natural to want to stay involved, it’s important to let them take the reins on their journey to adulthood. Remember, you’re not alone in this—many parents struggle with finding the right balance, but knowing what is a helicopter parent and how to avoid becoming one is a great first step toward fostering your child’s success.

And if you’re looking for more personalized support as your family navigates these transitions, consider hiring a life coach for young adults. At The College Success Coach, we walk with students through every step of college and young adult life as they become more organized, proactive, and successful in building a healthy, happy life. We also work closely with Kurtis Vanderpool Life Coaching to coach parents in their role in the lives of their young adults.